


Silence

by Draga



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Drama, F/F, Fluff, Heartbreaking, Hospitals, Loneliness, Patient in coma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-15
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-10-28 18:26:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17792468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Draga/pseuds/Draga
Summary: They didn't know each other. They live in different cities. And they are completely different.Toni Topaz is the worst student on the Earth. Cheryl Blossom is the best student at her University.Toni is the captain of probably the best youth basketball team in the country. Cheryl doesn't even know how to play basketball.Toni uses books to draw in them. Cheryl reads them until she knows them by heart.Toni goes out partying every night. Cheryl stays reading until dawn.Toni hates flowers and sneezes just from seeing them in photos. Cheryl has an obsession with flowers.Toni is always surrounded by people. Cheryl feels lonely.Everything changed with a terrible accident.Toni likes to listen, and Cheryl likes to talk.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is an adaptation of one of my Clexa fics. I wrote it two years ago and I do not know anything about medicine and everything in the story is the result of my imagination, so I'm sorry if someone does not like the story because it is not credible.  
> It is 18 chapters long. In Spain we use - as a speech mark instead of " but if you prefer " I will use it in the next chapters  
> I hope you like it :)

Toni POV

\- Topaz, move that ass! - the trainer shouted -. Being the best in the team doesn't give you the right to be the slowest!

 

"How not? Of course it does."

 

I didn't say it, but I was about to stick out my tongue childishly when I ran by his side. Fifty laps to the university campus at noon in May was a human torture that I would never get used to.

 

I knew that FP was a tough person to crack, and even more as a coach, but come on! I was the star of the team, I had to pamper myself a bit, right?

 

How little you value what you have.

 

\- I can not run anymore - I exclaimed braking when arriving at forty nine.

 

I barely had half a field to go, but at that moment I just wanted to crawl like a slug in search of water.

 

\- Don't stop! - Veronica tugged on my arm as she passed me. - Don't you appreciate your life or what? FP will kill you. You have a life of success ahead, don't lose it by a couple of meters.

 

\- Ahead of myself I only have half hell to run - I replied letting myself go, but more than running, I was walking fast.

 

Veronica looked at me mischievously and gave one of those giggles when she thinks of something dirty.

 

\- If yesterday you had not "studied" so much until so late...

 

I smiled with complicity. She had seen me leave Reggie's party with Midge. We were pretty drunk, and when we got to my room, we did everything except sleep.

 

We finished the half lap that we had left and went to the locker room. We showered and from there we went to class, where I slept everything I didn't sleep at night.

 

That afternoon we had to catch a plane for that weekend's game; the final of the league of the Universities. We would go to the other side of the country with all the expenses paid, and Veronica, Josie and I could not be more enthusiastic about humiliating them in their city.

 

We were the preferred ones and I was the preferred of them all. I was considered a potential star of basketball. The game was already more than won, and we only saw that as an opportunity to travel and tour.

 

The hours passed slowly, despite me sleeping in every class. The party that night passed quickly too, and I had it as a blurry memory that was based on drinking, dancing and fucking with Midge when we left. As usual. Every day was the same, and although I liked it, the monotony was too boring for me. That's why I was looking forward to this trip, and when I set foot on the plane, I felt my heart beating fast, more than when I ran fifty turns to forty degrees in the summer sun.

 

I was sitting between Josie and Veronica, and we were laughing at any nonsense. I knew them since high school, and we never separated for anything. Many said that the key to the success of our team was the good relationship between all of us, others said that we always win because of me, and others with bad lose assumed our victories saying that we really didn't have a rival who made it difficult for us.

 

All the theories were true, I suppose.

 

Veronica was the first to set foot on the solid ground of Greendale, with a huge smile.

 

\- We've arrived, you bastards! - She shouted excitedly raising her arms.

 

The girls began to shout and clap, while Josie, dizzy, clung to my arm as if it were a life preserver.

 

\- Toni, tell the earth to stop spinning, please.

 

•••

 

The game was more intense than I expected, but I was glad to be able to work harder knowing that there was an observer from the important leagues sitting in the stands.

I almost laughed every time they tried to take the ball away from me. I had to be the smallest of both teams, and to get around the rivals was very fun, because they had to stoop and many fell in my path.

Women falling in my path, nothing new.

When we won, they all came to hug me, knowing that I had scored forty-odd points from the almost eighty that our team achieved, higher than their score of forty-two.

As captain, I was the one who raised the trophy between the cries of my colleagues and the public.  
Several university students from the city interviewed me to put it on their web pages, and even the professional observer came to congratulate me and tell me something about a scholarship.

Everything was going so well that it didn't seem real, it didn't seem like my life at all.  
But everything that goes well breaks down at some point.

 

The whole team went out to celebrate the victory that night by going to the most popular bars in the city, and also the most distant ones. I drank, I danced, and when I decided it had been enough for one night after the accumulated fatigue, I said goodbye to Veronica and Josie. They insisted that I should stay with them, but I assured them that everything would be fine.

I was wrong.

I went out and tried to remember the way back. Being used to drinking, it didn't cost me much, but to focus and walk straight was another thing. Luckily, it was five thirty in the morning, and I thought there would not be too much traffic.  
I had arrived at the crossroads of the hotel when the traffic light turned red for the cars. A lucky break. I looked at each side just in case, impatient to get to my bed, and no car came.

So I crossed.

It happened so fast. I didn't even see it turn the corner, nor did I hear the car whistle repeatedly. When I turned to see it, scared, all I knew was that the car hit me with all it's strength. The whole right part of my body was brutally beaten, and my head hit and broke the front glass. Then I was thrown a few meters from the car, and I get hit again everywhere.

My head seemed about to burst, and my body burned and weighed more than usual. Suddenly, breathing become a challenge.

 

The last thing I saw was the darkness of the sky full of bright stars that soon disappeared, leaving me in the absolute darkness.

 

•••••

Cheryl POV

 

\- Here is my favorite bookworm - I felt Heather's arms hug me from behind. I smiled while still looking at my notes of the Law career.

 

She gave me a deep kiss on the cheek, then placed my glasses over my head, to then turn my face and kiss me better.

 

\- You'll be late - I murmured against her mouth with a shy smile when I felt her hands caress my back under the pajama shirt.

 

She growled.

 

\- Always so responsible - she mocked getting up under my watchful eye. She was wearing the uniform of the hospital, and in her bag stood the sandwich she had prepared for her night shift. - What a good girlfriend I have. I say goodbye to her in a romantic way and she only occurs to tell me to go to work.

 

We laughed at the same time that I got up from the sofa and hugged her waist. Her arms surrounded my neck and she looked at me with her almond eyes shining with some mischief. I was tempted to give in and ask her to stay a little longer, but if we made love I would want to do it again, and she had a shift to cover and I had to prepare for the exams in June.

 

\- Cheryl, you have been studying since January, every day and night - she scolded me sighing -. You can not spend your life at home studying until I arrive. Why don't you call Betty and go out?

 

I pursed my lips. Betty was my classmate, and I could tell she was the only friend I had. I used to say that I didn't go to the University to make friends, but to prepare my future, but on nights like those where Heather left and I was alone at home, I thought that maybe she was right. Maybe I should meet new people with whom I can relate.

Or maybe not.

 

I refused. Betty always invited me to party with the expectation that I would drink and have fun, but there was a problem: I do not drink. I do not smoke, I do not dance, I do not do those things that people of my age do. Maybe it's because of shame, maybe because of lack of habit, but I don't want to be like those girls who get drunk and end up making a fool of themselves. Alcohol is insane and makes you do insane things, so why would I drink? Why would I go out with people who drink? I would end up taking care of Betty, and I preferred to stay studying than being someone's nanny.

 

\- Maybe another day - I said briefly. Heather searched my face for some detail that betrayed my lie, but sighed when she got nothing more than a smile on my part.

 

\- As you want, babe - she gave in kissing me again. She turned around before leaving my house completely and winked at me, amused - Don't have too much fun without me!

 

I smiled.

 

\- I'll wait for you.

 

And I did it.

 

After reading my notes of the whole year five times, I decided to disconnect a bit from the studies.  
I was finishing reading the book that Heather had given me for my birthday, when I looked for the fifth time at clock on the bedside table.

 

I sighed worried.

 

It was almost six in the morning and Heather should have arrived at five. Her shift at the hospital had already ended, and she usually came straight home. She always texted me before deciding to go out or if she was late, because she knew how much I worried that she would have to drive at nights. The Saturday shifts at her hospital were exhausting and you never knew what could happen. All precaution isn't enough.

 

I looked at the clock again when my phone started ringing next to it.

 

Suddenly I tensed and a cold sweat ran down my back, like a premonition of something bad. I didn't even have to check on the screen the number to know it was the hospital's number calling me.  
The hospital's number, not Heather's.

 

\- Heather? - I asked anguished when answering. I hoped it was her calling me to apologize for not telling me about a last minute shift change.

 

But it was not Heather.

 

\- Cheryl, I'm Grundy - it was the boss of my girlfriend. She sighed tremulously, increasing my anguish, and then said - Heather has had an accident.

 

And in that right second, my life changed completely.


	2. Chapter 2

I arrived at the hospital running to the point of almost stumbling; the tears didn't let me see well and my glasses did nothing to fix the blurry look that made me collide with Grundy immediately upon arriving at reception.

 

"Cheryl, stay calm" was the first thing she told me while her hands held my shoulders, preventing us from falling to the ground.

 

 My knees trembled almost as much as my hands and my lips.

 

"Where is she?" I stammered, unsure of wanting to hear the answer if it was the one I had been imagining all the way.

 

"In the operating room" she said taking me to the nearest seats and forcing me to sit down. "They are operating Heather. Everything will be fine."

 

Then I could breathe again, and my heart stopped being paused.

 

I took a couple of deep breaths while Grundy offered me water. I drank, wiped my glasses in my pajamas and put them back on. I blinked with fear, watching her. Her face was of extreme concern. I must look like a crazy or a ghost at that moment.

 

"What happened?" I demanded trying that my voice did not tremble, and failing pathetically.

"A car accident" she told me.

Just what I thought. As soon as she told me that Heather had had an accident, I left my house running, my mobile phone falling to the ground, without caring about anything except getting to where my girlfriend was.

"A drunk girl was crossed the pedestrian crossing. I guess Costia could not dodge her. They are also operating her, I believe that her right leg was broken, three ribs, her right arm got dislocated and a strong concussion on her head. She was unconscious and didn't react, but she had a pulse. They had to put her oxygen; apparently she was not breathing well. She has taken the worst part."

I felt for her. I wanted to feel it for her, because her state hurt only to hear it, but I couldn't help feeling resentment; Costia was in the operating room being operated urgently because that girl crossed her path. I love Heather, I don't care about others, and if only one can come out alive, it should be Heather.

 

I broke down crying with my heart in a fist. I couldn't imagine Heather hurt. I preferred to suffer myself, I would prefer to be in that operating room than her.

 

"It's going to be fine" Titus assured me "Alice iis operating her."

 

I shook my head because I did not want to hear anything else; only Costia's voice.

 

The hours passed until I practically fell from exhaustion, and everything I had studied that night had been forgotten at once. My hope fell with me, because no one came to tell me that, at least, Costia was still alive.

 

I saw Grundy speak softly with Hermione, a companion of her. She had come out of the operating room in a bloodstained robe, and I refused to accept that that blood was from Costia. I began to cry again, drawing Grundy's attention, who immediately nodded to what Hermione said and came back to me.

 

"Heather is fine, Cheryl, quiet" she assured me, embracing me.

 

I cried harder, but this time of relief. In my head, only the first three words were repeated. Heather is fine. She is alive. She did not leave me. Heather is fine.

 

But Grundy seemed tense, and that worried me again. I pulled away and wiped my tears to look at her. Her gaze seemed desolate, as if she had just seen a poor helpless animal dying in her arms helplessly.

 

"What's wrong?"

 

She sighed heavily.

 

"The other girl has not been so lucky."

 

My heart skipped a beat before climbing into my throat, and I felt like retching.

 

"She's...?" I could not even contemplate the idea that the girl Heather had run over had died. I did not want to think she was dead, because it would be a terrible trauma for Heather and a life torn from a person in a painful way.

 

Grundy only shook her head, as if she were telling me not to worry, that I should think of Heather and that she continued well, alive, with me. So I took out of my mind any image of Heather running over a faceless girl who would then die in a cold operating room.

 

Then I realized that I was alone in the waiting room. I frowned. Where was the other girl's family? Hadn't they arrived, they weren't coming? That was unfairly bleak. I knew what it meant to be without family, but if something happened to me, at least Heather would be waiting for me, as I was waiting for her.

 

It was fifteen minutes later when two girls my age and a men came through the door. The girls were visibly drunk and despondent, anguished. The man had a worried gesture too little paternal to be the father of the girls, so I assumed they were friends.

 

"Toni Topaz, please?" the man asked quickly towards Tom Keller, the receptionist. "They just called us because she had an accident. I am her coach."

 

I cringed in the seat seeing Tom answer that she continued in the operating room, while the latina girl with burst into tears on the shoulder of the dark skinned girl as I had done earlier with Grundy by Heather.

 

I saw the rough man drag the girls to the seats in front of me, then he went to get something from a vending machine.

 

The girls babbled in an unintelligible way between drowned sobs that made me want to cry again.  
They were so heartbroken.

 

I knew that Heather was fine; she was stable and would be observed during the night, and tomorrow I could go see her.

 

But nothing was known about the other girl. The thought that I still didn't see any family was eating me alive, and I thought maybe I should approach to the two girls. After all, her friend and Heather were the ones who had reunited us there, and it seemed unfair that I remained isolated in my bubble of tranquility because of the safety of my girlfriend while they were falling apart between laments for her friend.

 

I approached twisting my hands, nervous and uncomfortable.

 

"Hello" I greeted cautiously when the darker girl looked at me as if I was bothering them. Suddenly I was left blank. "Have you asked about a girl who has been run over?"

 

The latina girl looked up at me, confused.

 

"You know Toni?" she hesitated, looking at me as if trying to recognize me.

 

I shook my head, more uncomfortably.

 

"No, I don't know her" I answered biting my lip. The man was now by my side with a hard gesture, but his gaze shone with concern. "I ... I'm here because ... I just wanted to know if I could do something for you. I don't..."

 

I shut up again, feeling stupid and ridiculous under their scrutiny. Then the latin girl seemed to get into a rage, and she threw herself at me while the other girl and the man held her and they pulled us apart while she screamed all kinds of insults.

 

"Enough, Veronica" shouted her friend hugging Veronica by the waist; this one was still trying to reach me to hit me.

 

"It was her!" she roared furious. "The other girl!" she said about Heather before trying to hit me again while I was speechless. "She's with her, it's been her fault!"

 

"It was not anyone's fault!" her friend restrained her. That made Veronica stir more.

 

"Suétame, Josie " Veronica demanded between tears of anger and impotence. "It's Toni. We are talking about Toni, for God's sake".

 

The man stopped holding my shoulder to approach to Veronica and say something that I couldn't hear while looking at them in shock, feeling even worse than before.  
I decided to get away from them as much as possible and stay calm, waiting for Grundy to inform me of possible changes.

 

I saw Grundy enter and approach to the friends and coach. I knew her expressions and the one she wore was not encouraging. My chest tightened and my eyes filled with tears as I saw her shake her head and explain something I couldn't hear, while the Veronica broke down crying to the point that Josie had to hold her, despite crying with her. The man put his hands to his face, and I thought I saw his shoulders shake as Grundy walked away again.

 

I wanted to approach and ask them what had happened to her friend, but I really didn't want to know; I didn't want to know if she had died.

 

 Living with doubt would weigh less than accepting that Heather had accidentally ended the life of another girl.

 

Seeing her friends crying inconsolably, I could imagine myself crying for Heather, and I felt even worse.

 

I ended up sitting in another area of the first floor while I dissolved in contradictory tears; some of relief, and others of sorrow.

 

I stayed to sleep in the hospital without paying any attention to Grundy's complaints. She assured me that Heather would be fine and that I should go to my home rest. But I could not leave her there alone.

 

I woke up with a terrible pain in my neck and back, but it didn't compare with the heartbreaking emptiness of my chest when I checked that the two friends of Toni and her coach had left.

 

I resisted the urge to go and ask Tom if he knew anything, but I didn't and waited until eleven, when Grundy came to tell me that I could go see Heather. It would only be ten minutes, but they were enough at that moment. I just needed to see her and kiss her again.

 

I opened the door to see her laying asleep, and I went up to take her hand and intertwine it with mine. I stroked her face and kissed her forehead. My eyes clouded again, and my heart ached only from seeing her bruises and her arm cast.

 

I sighed, wishing she would wake up, but I knew she was sedated and I should settle for giving her a chaste kiss and whispering how much I loved her, without having an answer. It was enough. She lived, she was alive and I could tell her soon again.

 

Again I thought about the other girl, despite trying to ignore the anguished doubt about her condition. Grundy said she had taken the worst part, and if she had died I only prayed that she hadn't suffered too much, despite her injuries.

 

"I love you, my love" I kissed again Heather's lips and I stared at her face. I smiled with affection. She was so calm that it didn't look like she had been on the verge of death last night.

 

I left her room determined to go home and take a shower and change my clothes to return. I wasn't planning to go to class until Heather left the hospital even if it take me the whole week without going, and I would had to call Betty to let her know what happened. She would probably be hungover, but I assumed she would want to know.

 

I was walking so absorbed in my feelings that I didn't realize that I had been lost until I saw the color change in the walls of the corridors. I looked around until I saw a sign that said: Intensive Care Unit. I was nervous to understand that I was in a place where I couldn't enter without permission, and I started to walk towards the exit when I passed a room with the door open.

 

 It was the only room with the door open, and that caught my attention.

 

I walked hesitantly to the door, and I could see her: a girl with pink hair.

 

She was laying, bandaged and plugged into three machines. She had a pink lock of hair falling down her tanned face, and I thought how much I hated when my hair get on my face. My feet took on a life of their own when I entered to approach her. I pushed the pink lock back and placed it behind her ear, afraid to wake her up. She would think she was crazy to find a stranger inside a room where people could only enter with consent.  
Or she would think I was the crazy one.

 

I could see her better, and for a second, she took my breath away. She was beautiful, and although she had brown skin, she was so pale that she looked like an angel. If it weren't for the machine that showed her constant and calm pulse, I would have thought she was dead. Her complexion was golden, and it looked so soft and warm and smooth. Her lips were covered by the oxygen nozzle, but I could see that they were plump. I looked curiously at the small mole that seemed to have on the upper lip. Her eyes were closed, her long lashes were enviable and her eyebrows were dark.

 

She was insanely beautiful, even with all the scratches and patches on her cheeks. A bandage covered and surrounded her head. There was also a larger bandage on her collarbone.

 

She must been my age, and seeing her so fragile and vulnerable hurt me, even though she was probably just asleep or unconscious and not in any pain at that moment. She should be out of this place, with her friends and family, or studying. Living. Like me, like Heather.

 

I thought again about the girl Heather had had the car accident, and a cold sweat ran down my back. I looked more closely at her wounds. The right side of her body seemed shattered.

 

"Cheryl, what are you doing here?" Grundy's voice behind me made me stifle a scream and turn scared. Her expression seemed suspicious as her gaze went from the hurt girl to me.

 

"I was coming to see Heather and I got lost; I ended up here." I gave a quick look at the girl, who didn't even flinch a bit and thank God, because I should look pathetic and intruder. "I saw her from outside and ... I just wanted to... see if she was okay, I suppose."

 

Obviously she wasn't okay, but it seemed the most normal thing to say.

 

 To say that I had entered the room of a seriously wounded stranger to comb her and thus she would rest more at ease sounded ridiculous, even if it was the truth.

 

"You should go out" she said stepping aside to let me pass, while looking at the girl again with a sad expression.

 

"What happened?" I pointed to the girl, who really should be in a very deep sleep.

 

Grundy pursed her lips, still with the door open. When she spoke, her voice sounded deeply sad and disappointed.

 

"She's in coma" she responded, clenching her jaw. "We couldn't do anything to prevent it when she arrived, hurt and unconscious "

 

I opened my mouth a couple of times like a fish, surprised and embarrassed and sad. Coma. That lovely young girl was in a coma. She was living in a kind of permanent dream. That girl should not be in a coma.

 

"What happened?"

 

Grundy looked at me with a frown, as if she expected me to know it already and had to tell me would make everything more uncomfortable than it was already.

 

"A car accident" she told me slowly.

My breathing became heavy, as if the air was toxic.

 

"Who is she?" I could not help asking before leaving the room while she finally closed the door and I watched the girl through the window of the hall.

 

It felt necessary to confirm it, because in fact I already knew it. The name was repeated constantly in my head, along with the crying of those two girls mixed with my own, and Grundy's voice echoed my thoughts.

 

"Toni Topaz."


	3. Chapter 3

Toni POV

 

There are three types of people: those that in college go through a letters career, those that go through a science career and those that go running to bed.

 

I am of the third type, obviously, and in that moment more than ever, although not for pleasure this time. I wasn't happy laying in that bed, and neither was yesterday, nor before yesterday, nor every day that I have been in a coma.

 

Being in a coma was fucking bored and oppressive.

 

I would cry of impotence if I could, but I couldn't. I could do absolutely nothing, and if I loved doing nothing before, now I hated it.

 

Seven days had passed, or at least I thought so, because I didn't know for certain when and what time it was when I would fall asleep and wake up later without a clock to watch and a calendar to control. I didn't even know if it continued to be day or night.

 

At first I tried to count the days, but I preferred to lose the account when the numbers became double figures. I decided I didn't want to know when those two figures would be added another one, and simply wait.

 

The truth is that I wanted to stop counting as if that meant not being in a coma for more days.

 

But the time was still the same, I still didn't count and I continued in a coma. Nothing changed, nothing was going to change. Now everything was always the same, and I was desperate for a change.

 

The best thing was to be asleep, because when I slept I didn't think, but being in a coma doesn't mean sleeping twenty-four hours a day. When I woke up, the pain was unbearable, and not being able to cry, complain or scream at someone who increased the sedative was even more unbearable.

 

I was assuming the reality slowly, and after getting used to it, I could guess more or less what time it was according to what the doctors talked about or Veronica and Josie when they came to see me. I also knew when it was night, because everything was silent despite the machines that had me plugged in.

 

My friends had decided to stay a while in the hotel where the team stayed, to wait for me to wake up, and my mother had come too. If there was something worse than not being able to get up and stretch my legs or not be able to eat a good Donut, it was listening to my family and my friends crying while they visited me. I felt guilty and helpless.

 

They moved me from plant to the fourth day, when they were sure that I wasn't at risk. All I could do was recover over time. That and wake up. I had tried force myself to awake, but it didn't seem like something my body was ready for. I tried to move, to speak, to open my eyes, but no articulation reacted.

 

At least I could hear, but I didn't like what I heard. I didn't like listening to my loved ones cry for me and imagine them sitting next to me, maybe caressing my hand or my head, while I couldn't console them and assure them that I could hear them and that I regretted making them suffer.

 

Not being able to move from hospital to my hometown - Greendale - had been a big headache for my parents as I could hear them speak when they didn't  
fall unconscious into the dark well that was now my life. The doctors had told them it was safer for me to stay in the room where they had stabilized me, assuring them that it wouldn't take me too long to wake up.

 

But no matter how long it took me to wake up, the reality was that I was on the other side of the country, separated from my city, my family, my friends, my life. They couldn't move to Riverdale and just wait for me to open my eyes and resume my normal life. Nor could they be visiting me very often for the expenses that would entail, and because it was stupid to be throwing money and time waiting for something they wouldn't know when it would arrive. They did not know when I would wake up or how long it would take to recover after doing so. They couldn't live with me in that moment, and I wished I could talk to tell them.

 

But if there was something that I was dying to ask my doctor, Grundy, it was if the blow to my head had been very serious.

 

I recognized the voices and had memories associated with each person, but when I tried to recall something from my childhood or the day I met my lifelong friends, there was a disturbing and desperate emptiness. I couldn't remember clearly my birthdays before thirteen; I didn't even know if I had celebrated them. The doubt of not knowing when something was a blurred memory or something dreamed in my state of unconsciousness was the worst. I had doubts about my life and I couldn't solve them.

 

The door opened, and if I could startle myself with fright, I would have. The voices of Veronica and Josie filled the room, and I had never before stopped so much admiring and qualifying with adjectives the voices as since I was in a coma. Well, I couldn't last much longer like that, could I?

 

"She would be delighted" Veronica said with a sad tone that sank my chest, because I could almost visualize she forcing a smile when looking at me as if I could really see her or wake up at any moment and I wanted to make sure that the first thing I saw was her contagious smile.

 

"Who wouldn't be?" Octavia sighed. "God, surely she would jump and force us to go for drinks at night to celebrate, even being Monday."

 

It was Monday, well. Even if for me was the same every day, knowing it was Monday added the typical feeling of slump knowing that you had a whole week ahead. I hated Mondays even when I had nothing to do, nothing I could do.

 

"The observer seemed quite understanding and sad when we explained what happened" Veronica murmured closer to me, maybe caressing my hand to feel connected to me or so I could feel connected to her. "Toni deserved that scholarship more than anyone else. It is unfair."

 

"Everything is unfair" Josie agreed with anger, and I knew that anger was with life in general, with the injustice of life, with the injustice that I was bedridden indefinitely.

 

Wanting to cry without being able to do it was going that drive me crazy. I remembered vaguely the observer and his smile when he assured me he would call me. Had I been awake, I would have waited for that call with my cell phone in my hand day and night.

 

 Probably my friends or my mother had answered it for me to tell the observer my condition. Goodbye to my scholarship, goodbye to my life. Goodbye to everything. I hated the whole world, definitely. But above all, I hated the person who had left me in that state, and for the first time, even with how angry I felt when I heard that I had left alive and little injured while I was in a coma, I wished her ill. She would be in this same hospital, but she would wake up, recovering surrounded by her loved ones, being able to talk to them, see them, feel them, while my situation was the opposite.  
I hated that person with all my soul.

 

All my life had been ruined by her fault, I was ruined because of her; she had ruined me. And she probably wouldn't even know who I was or how she'd left me. I wanted her to know, that Grundy or some doctor told her, that she felt guilty and miserable the rest of her life, as I felt.

 

"Is she okay?" I heard Veronica ask clearly worried, while I heard the beeps of my vital signs increase in speed.

 

(No, Veronica, I'm not fine, I need to hit that bitch and get my life back.)

 

"I'm going to call a doctor" Josie reassured her.

 

(No, I'm fine, just furious, please don't call her, I don't need a doctor, I just need to wake up.)

 

But Josie couldn't hear me pleading. I heard her come back with a woman with a whiny voice talking about increasing my tranquilizer.

 

(I don't want to sleep, human whistle, I want to listen to my friends and be able to talk to them)

 

"She'll be fine" she assured them, her voice sounding too close to me.

 

Everything began to become heavy and darker than before, and I felt helpless to recognize the sleep beating me.

 

•••••

 

I woke up at seven, eight, nine at night? Well, I didn't know what time it was, but I liked to imagine that I guessed how many had happened, as if I was really aware of the time outside that room.

 

Everything was quiet and silent. Boring.

 

I wondered where Veronica and Josie were, and if my mother had already come to see me as she seemed to do every afternoon, even when I slept. My breathing felt heavier and choppy, if that was possible in a coma, when the already familiar feeling of overwhelm before the weight of the reality of my state hit me, as every time I woke up and found that I couldn't move or do anything. That I was useless.

 

I wanted to scream and ask for help when my mind seemed to play with me and my memories, confusing everything and making me feel lost and alone.

 

Then I heard the unmistakable noise of the door opening. I knew at the time that it wasn't my friends or my family, because now I paid more attention to the smells, to the sound of the footsteps when walking in and even to the way of breathing, and I didn't associate the cherry fragrance to anyone, not even to the doctors who checked me every so many hours.

 

"You should calm down" whispered a sweet voice to my right.

 

I felt my heart stop for a second before returning to life. I wished I could open my eyes and look at the girl with the calm and comforting voice that had spoken to me. She had spoken to me as if I could answer her, as if she understood that being in a coma didn't imply being dead. I wanted to see her face and ask her who she was and what she was doing in my room, but wishing it was as useless as imagining it, because my reality was different now, where something as simple as wanting to see someone became impossible.

 

"Don't be nervous. You're fine, you're safe."

 

(Nothing is fine), I wanted to snap at her. Didn't she see my state? What was 'fine' for her? Because for me, nothing was right or wouldn't be until I woke up.

 

Her velvety voice rang again.

 

"Well, I don't even know if you can hear me" she explained timidly, as if I was looking at her with a raised eyebrow at the foolishness of speaking to someone unconscious. "I know that your name is Toni and you're in a coma. Grundy said that maybe you could hear, and surely you wonder who is the crazy person who speaks to someone in a coma" she laughed in a funny way, and I wanted to laugh with her and relax in her laughter as in the most comfortable feather mattress in the world. 

 

"But I'm not crazy. It's just ... " she hesitated, leaving a silence so intense that I feared she had vanished or everything was the product of my imagination, until she spoke again with a more nervous tone. "My girlfriend is on this floor. I come every day to see her, and your room is on the way. I sound like I'm a stalker, but I assure you I'm not. I was leaving when I saw your pulsations quite altered through the window and I thought you needed something" spoke quickly, and I imagined a girl my age gesticulating nervously while trying to explain that I was not a gossip. "Then I told myself that it was something stupid, because I suppose that being in a coma you can't say what you need, and I don't think you have telepathy; I don't either, so I feel pretty idiotic right now."

 

I was sure my pulse rate had slowed down in reassurance as she made her entertaining monologue.

 

"If you are listening, I want you to know that I am not crazy, really, and that I feel very much about you. It must be horrible to be in a coma, although... I don't know, but it is quite absurd to think that... I'm talking too much and maybe you just want me to shut up, because my girlfriend always tells me that when I speak I don't stop. I don't have many people to talk to, so sometimes I get a bit heavy."

 

Her voice changed the tone and I knew she was smiling but by way of apology, maybe a little embarrassed.

 

"I'm sorry, I'm probably bothering you, although now you seem more calm. I don't know if you were just having a nightmare and I just woke you up or if you're really listening to me, but I'd like to think that I've helped you even when you can't tell me how to help you."

 

(Yes, it is quite absurd that you think that, and that you are talking to a girl laying in a coma on a bed, but I appreciate that you stopped to enter in my room and talk to me; you have managed to make me forget how unfortunate I am. And it's funny think how silly you will be looking to the doctors talking to someone who is in a coma, I don't like people to feel sorry for me but it is something inevitable right now, so I still appreciate your compassion and your talkative mouth.)

 

"Surely you are incredibly bored here" she murmured distressed, and a guilty tone tinged her voice, confusing me. "My girlfriend can at least talk and we play classics that are only played when you're desperate for a little entertainment. I'm pretty bad, I'm sure you would beat me.  
"

 

(I'm not sure, you speak more than a village old woman, and even though I don't know you, you sound like a good person that surely lets your girlfriend win to make her feel good.)

 

Suddenly, I felt a certain envy. I would like to play with the girl of the precious voice old games to be able to let her win and make her feel good.

 

"I think I should go" she sighed a little farther.

 

(No, don't go, it's fun to hear you talk, I'm enjoying hearing you.)

 

"You may want to sleep and I'm bothering you. I would ask you if you would like me to come back tomorrow, because I think you would be feeling alone when your friends leave around seven. I could come to see you after visiting my girlfriend, but you can not answer me, which must be frustrating whatever your answer. I don't think your friends would like to see a stranger talking to her friend in a coma; maybe they would think I wanted to take advantage of you or something" I laughed internally imagining the faces of Veronica and Josie. "But I think you will get pretty bored until you fall asleep; I would get bored. I'm being pretty hypocritical believing that you feel the same I would feel in your place, but I'd like to think that's the way to make you feel better, or at least not so alone."

 

(I'm sure that even in a coma you wouldn't be able to stop talking, and I suppose you should feel quite alone to talk to a stranger who can not answer you, maybe you talk to me because I can't send you out for a walk, even though I don't want to because I like your voice and you seem like a good person; you understood that I'm awake and you've liked me, and I'm sure tomorrow I would want to tell Veronica and Josie that they can leave quietly because I'll wait for you to come, and if you don't, I won't blame you because we don't know each other, but this "conversation" has been the best thing of the day, and I wouldn't mind it being repeated and able to meet you.)

 

"I'm going to leave" she repeated and each step was heard as a padlock closing the door that locked me in my darkness again. I wanted to cry, again. I was becoming a whiner; another bad thing because the cause of my state. "Tomorrow I'll be back around eight. It's almost nine o'clock now, I hope it's a good time for you. I liked this time although I felt pretty insane when I just looked out the window before enter" I heard the door open and the girl's voice sound farther away.

 

(Can you not stay a little longer? Only until I fall asleep, I don't like to stay alone in the room, I feel even more alone than in my head, it's boring to talk to myself, and I'm sure you think the same now, but this has been the closest thing to a conversation I've had since I can't talk. You've made me feel good talking to me, considering that maybe I could hear you, because all the others do is talk to each other or don't talk at all, as if I could never hear them, and wanting to be noticed is worse than wanting to answer without being able to do it.)

 

"Sleep well" she hesitated a moment as to whether her farewell was appropriate. "My name is Cheryl. I think this will be more normal if you know it, especially because I know your name. I hope that doesn't bother you. It's a beautiful name"

 

(Yours too, Cheryl)

 

\- Well, see you tomorrow, Toni.

 

(Until tomorrow at eight, thanks for entering my room.)

 

The door closed. It was the first night since I was in a coma that I didn't hear the machines whistling or the outside noises, because all I heard that night was the sweet voice of Cheryl repeating my name over and over again until I fell asleep.


End file.
